It’s Valentine’s Day, readers! Here at Rockwall Counseling and Wellness, we LOVE celebrating love. Any time of year is the right time to tell those you love how you feel, but there’s just something extra special about Valentine’s Day. Maybe you’ve got a special date night at the romantic Bin 303 planned with your spouse or a brunch date to Standard Service with friends. Perhaps you have a tradition of making heart-shaped pancakes for your kids on Valentine’s Day or sending flowers to your mom. Whatever way you choose to celebrate today, it’s so important to show you care for those people in your life who mean the most to you. Big celebrations or small ones never go unnoticed!

However, we also recognize that many of you may love and care for someone who is struggling today. Holidays and special occasions can be particularly difficult for those who are grieving a loss, people with anxiety and depression, or even those coming out of a difficult transition. So, how can you support those you love who are having a difficult time today? How can you be supportive, loving, and caring while also still getting to celebrate your love for the special people in your life?

Be a good listener. The first and best way that you can support someone you love who is struggling mentally is to listen to them without judgment, without giving your input (unless they ask for it) and being willing to be present in the silence. If your spouse is struggling with anxious thoughts, try sitting with them and letting them process those thoughts out loud as this can be a huge help in not dwelling in that anxiety. Maybe your teenager has been dealing with difficult friendships at school; the support you give by listening to what they have to say can provide them with safety and security that only you can give as their parent. Keeping open communication is vital to any relationship, and it is especially important when the person you care for is working on their mental health.

Be flexible with your plans. Often those who are struggling with anxiety, grief, or depression, may suddenly not have the physical energy to get out of the house. Facing mental health battles is taxing physically as well, and though they may have agreed to go out to a fancy dinner earlier in the week, they may not be up for it when the time rolls around. Be willing to hear their needs and know that it is likely nothing you’ve done wrong that caused their change of mind. It is absolutely okay to feel disappointed if your partner changes plans last minute, but wait to express that frustration when they are not in crisis. Offer an alternative plan such as a date night at home with take out and a movie or another day for a night out that might be less stressful.

Be aware of emotional triggers. While the idea of “triggers” may seem overused by pop culture and trendy media, emotional triggers are very real events for people who have been through trauma. And while we are all responsible for our individual actions and reactions, part of loving and caring for someone is knowing what may cause them emotional distress and being cognizant of how different situations may affect them. For example, if you and your wife have experienced pregnancy loss, it may be emotionally triggering for one or both of you to hear about a couple announcing a healthy pregnancy. Talk with those you love when you know they’ve experienced a triggering event and ask how you can support them.

Offer physical support even if they don’t ask for it. One of the hardest things for someone to do when they are struggling with their mental health is to ask for help. It can feel overwhelming or even embarrassing to admit that we’re struggling and reach out to someone for help with things like doing the dishes or laundry or help with a meal. If you have a friend you know is working on their mental health, a great way to show you care for them is to simply show up. Bring a meal or coffee. Come and unload their dishwasher. Even if they say they don’t need this, by taking a physical task off their plate, you’re allowing them to have less to worry about and supporting their journey.

Find a balance between distraction and engagement. When caring for someone with depression, anxiety, or other mental health issues, it may be our first instinct to help them by distracting them from their problems with fun events, activities, or outings. This can be incredibly helpful, as often it boosts happy hormones, and allows life to feel normal even in a state of crisis. However, it is equally important to not allow those we love to be so distracted by “fun” that they ignore problems they should deal with. Make sure that you’re having a good mixture of fun, light-hearted moments and times when you check in on your people emotionally and really hear how they’re doing.

Be supportive of their therapy journey. One of the biggest barriers people face in beginning therapy for anxiety, depression, or grief is that they worry about what those they love might think of them. They don’t want to be seen as weak or incapable. In reality, starting a journey to better mental health is the opposite of that. It shows self-awareness and strength to face the difficult, messy parts of life. If someone you love has started going to therapy to work on their relationship, their anxiety, or any other aspect of their life, be supportive. Tell them you’re proud of them for stepping outside their comfort zone and working to be emotionally and mentally healthier. If they’re open to talking about what they’re learning in their counseling sessions, listen to them intently and ask purposeful questions. They will appreciate that you support their journey and want to know more. If they’re not yet seeing a counselor but want to do so, you can always help them find a best fit here!

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Written by Emily Taylor, Contributing Writer

It’s the understatement of the century to say that, “There’s plenty to worry about in today’s world.” You may even feel more like, “What is there to not worry about?” It’s likely that you occasionally feel some level of concern about your job, your marriage, your kids, the economy, your parents’ health, money, your to-do list, or any other number of things. But when does a normal level of concern become an issue that you should address with a therapist? How do you know if what you’re experiencing is a season of anxiety, an anxiety disorder, or simply a “normal” amount of worry?

First of all, if you feel like you need or want to talk with a therapist about things that weigh heavily on your mind, consider this your permission to do so. You do not have to have a diagnosed anxiety disorder to need or want to talk with someone who can help you learn about why certain things are worrying you and how best to cope with even occasional anxiety. A season of anxiety can be brought on by many different things: a new baby, a career change, uncertainty in a relationship. If you’re going through one of these situations, you may be worried and feel overwhelmed by these feelings of concern. However, there are distinct differences between occasional anxiety, or anxiety brought on by a certain season of life and anxiety disorders.

Venn diagram showing the similarities and differences between anxiety and worry.

Anxiety as a disorder does not simply go away when circumstances change. It is normal for a new situation, like starting a new job, to cause worry or concern. However, with worry, this will go away once you learn the ropes and realize you are capable. In contrast, a person with an anxiety disorder might continue to feel anxious about the job, even when they are settled and doing well. They may continue to have feelings of incompetence or dread that don’t go away no matter how well things are going in reality.
Generalized Anxiety Disorder can have impacts on your physical health while typical levels of worry do not. According to the National Institute for Mental Health, people struggling with anxiety disorders may experience muscle aches, unexplained stomach pain, difficulty sleeping, and fatigue. While these physical problems can be caused by other health problems, if you feel they’re coupled with times of anxiety, they may be more than just normal worry.
Persistent anxiety can cause you to change your behaviors. If you are struggling with anxiety, you may avoid certain situations, obsess over things that would normally not bother you, or become excessively irritable and easily angered. Anxiety impacts daily life in negative ways. These behavioral changes are a result of feeling out of control because of anxious and fearful thoughts, and they should be discussed with a counselor.
Anxious thoughts that are out of control do not “go away” simply because you know the truth. Oftentimes in conversations about their thought patterns, people struggling with anxiety will say things like, “I know that my kids are safe at school, but I can’t stop feeling like something terrible is going to happen.” Or, “I know that my wife loves me, but I feel so anxious that something will go wrong.” Even if they know reality, they often dwell on hypothetical or worst case scenario outcomes. A person struggling with anxiety may not be able to control when they slip into these thought patterns and find it difficult to focus on anything else.
It is often difficult to identify the exact reason for anxiety because it is constant rather than circumstantial. People struggling with anxiety may not be able to tell another person exactly what is making them feel anxious. Because they experience these feelings all the time, it is difficult to identify the source. This can be frustrating for the person with anxiety as well as those who care and are trying to help.

If you struggle with feelings of anxiety that don’t go away or impact your daily life as described above, you do not have to walk through that struggle alone. This is one reason why counseling can help greatly. Therapists, like those in our Rockwall and Heath offices, are trained in talk therapy strategies, as well as other methodologies that have been proven to help people with anxiety identify the root causes of the issue and learn strategies for coping with anxious thoughts, panic attacks, and other anxiety related problems. And, they are ready and willing to listen and help you.

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Written by Emily Taylor, Contributing Writer

Loving Someone in Crisis: A Guide for Partners, Parents, and Friends

5 Main Differences Between Anxiety and Worry